FUNNY BLONDE JOKE!


A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks
on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of
your load."


The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the
street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."


He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light
the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says,
"Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."


The trucker looks at her and finally he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's
snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

DOCTORS ARE EXPENSIVE!


A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the
dog on the table, Dr. Buck pulled out his stethoscope, placing the
receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the doc shook his head
sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."


"What?", screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing
on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, Doc turned and
left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever.
The retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor dog on the table and
checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the
retriever sadly shook his head and went, "Woof."

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments
with a cat, which walked around the poor dog several times and then sadly
shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out
of the room.

Then the veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do." He handed the
man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went postal. "Six hundred dollars?!?!
Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

Doc shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it,
the cost would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan
......."

:rol"A RABBI AND A PRIEST"


A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars
are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and
says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's
nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must
have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace
the rest of our days."


The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from
God."


The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of Mogan David wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the priest.


The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the
rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands
it back to the priest.


The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"


The rabbi replies, "No... I think I'll wait for the police."


"THE ARAFAT STAMP"


Arafat wants a postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he
instructs his people, stressing that it should be of high International
quality.


The stamps are created, printed, and released.


Arafat is very pleased.


But within a few days of release of the stamp, he begins hearing
complaints that the stamp is not sticking, and he became infuriated.


He calls the people responsible and orders them to investigate the matter.
They check the matter out at several post offices, and they report the
problem to Arafat.


The report states, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp.
The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

l:

Driving Math

A Male Driver's Observation:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass a new car something like every 40 feet per lane.

That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000.

In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

This means, that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

Flip one off?

I think not.

Humzzzzzzzzzzz, lijkt een beetje op het I AM COOL MAN topic.


EEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.............................ONNODIG GESPAM HIERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..



NEE....................NEE...................HELLUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Niet ikke!!!!!!!!!...................Die ouwe bedoel ik

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG


BZZZZZZZZZZZ.................BBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...........BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (nee mensen het is niet Els speeltje, maar mijn breintje wordt weer behandeld met 380)

ok nog 2 van mij

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter check his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. You're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air-conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,"So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air-conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here. All we have are architects. Everything looks pretty, but nothing works."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

dees is voor gwarf

Joe wants to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until, one day, he comes across a beautiful Harley Davidson with a "for sale" sign on it. The bike seems even more beautiful than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and fucks her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his motorcycle, so pulls the Vaseline jar from his pocket...
Then, the father backs away from the table and shouts: "All right, enough already, I'll do the fucking dishes!!"

Ik had mooi me smoel gehouden als ik die vader was. (__*__) <===do me baby

Vas Gwarf wrote:Ik had mooi me smoel gehouden als ik die vader was. (__*__) <===do me baby

voor jou meer (__O__)

Das dan beter als bij BOOMie, want die was vreemd gegaan met een neger (___( )___)